Tales of the Assassin Bride

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

Sorry...yeah...I haven't posted in forever. Don't hate me. Let's just move on it'll be healthier for both of us.

Lessons in Aussie Lingo

• If someone says "you're a gun" or refers to someone as a gun it means that guy is hot stuff in some capacity (usually sporting). I think it's a really cool thing, and I'm definitely going to bring it back to the States. 
• People say "heaps" a lot here. Heaps of people say heaps. People heaping say heaps too heaping much. 
• One of the funniest things that guys say here when they're busting each other's nuts is they call each other "dickhead." The first few times I heard it, I didn't really use my sensory imagination. When I finally got around to it, I couldn't stop laughing.
• If you ask someone a question and he doesn't quite hear you he'll respond with a "hey?" 
• If you ask someone a question about the status of something or how something went you'll probably get an answer that starts with "yeah." Example: "How's your firstborn son?" "Yeah, good."  
• After a big night of partying or an intense sports practice or something in which your physical faculties had been pushed to the brink, the morning after people might ask you, "How'd you pull up today?" I think that's what they're saying at least. It was confusing to me at first. Now I'll say, "Yeah, not too bad."
• To "shout" someone is to pay for their ______. Dream come true conversation: Hero: "Cornell is so expensive. Here, Geoff, lemme shout your college tuition." Me: "I love you."

I might be this kind of gun...

Lots of things have occurred since I last shared with you guys, so I'll do what I did last time and just do some spotty retelling. 

Soiree

A few Mondays ago, Queens had a little talent show that was called Soiree, and Queeners came out in droves to show other Queeners how much talent Queens has amongst its Queeners. Every act was heaps of good (that's not a correct usage of "heaps"), but my favorites were a twelve string guitar medley, a parody of George Michael's "Faith" by two senior girls who rewrote the words to be about them creepily stalking good looking fresher boys and going into their rooms while they're out and smelling their dirty laundry, a crazy rhythmic gymnastics performance, and a jazz improv trio of bass, piano and drums. Yeah it was intense. The gymnastics girl did this thing where she threw her ribbon thing up in the air, did some spinny move thing and then caught the handle on her ribbon right as it was coming down. Yeah it was intense. 

Assassins

Last week a Queen's-wide game of Assassins commenced. Basically, every Queener got assigned someone to assassinate, and we were given two days to complete our assignments which we did by pouring water on our targets. The only rules were that no one could see you make your kill, your kill couldn't see you coming, no killing people in anyone's rooms, and no killing in the dining hall. It was a great way to meet new people, as we were usually assigned Queeners outside of our corridors. After each kill you emailed the folks in charge and they gave you new targets. It was really fun and on the first night screams could be heard echoing all around the college as people waiting in dark places struck unsuspecting victims. The only reason I made any kills at all was that once you found out where people lived, everyone around them helped conspire with you. 

Geoff's Assassins Kill Count

1. The first guy I got, the girl across the hall from him shouted for him to come look at something out the window so I could throw water at him from behind an outcropping as he exited his room. 
2. For the second kill, my friend knocked on this girl's door (I'd followed her in from lunch and knew she was in there) and told her that someone upstairs was asking for her. I just waited on the floor above the staircase and got her as she was coming up. 
3. The third kill happened because everyone in the guy's hallway saw him go to take a shower, and I just waited around the corner for him to come out. 
4. I lucked out on the fourth kill. I'd looked up what the girl looked like, so I knew her face pretty well, but she lived on a really busy corridor, and I hadn't had a chance to properly scheme with anyone yet. One lazy afternoon, I was walking through the quad, and she seemed to be headed right toward me! As inconspicuously as I could, I ran back into the building I just exited and filled up a cup of water in the kitchenette. Luck would have it that she was headed to the same place to check her mail. Lucky for me. UNLUCKY FOR HER. 
5. Kill number five wasn't really a successful kill. The target was a fellow exchange student from the United States. I made the unsmooth move of texting him to come over because "I wanted to talk to him about something," and he sent me the awkward reply "Cool, you better not assassinate me! HaHa!" HaHa indeed. I waited for him to enter our building, and I tried to dump my entire water bottle on him from the third floor. My aim was not true, however, and he survived the onslaught. In hindsight, I should have taken a surface area approach rather than the bunker-busting path. His disinterest in killing his assignment led to him conceding defeat though. 

Overall, I was attacked twice by the same girl, but she did it in plain sight of 5 or 6 witnesses so neither attempt counted for much. In the end, I was eliminated because I needed to leave town for a bit and couldn't really kill or be killed...Fun stuff though! 

This would be against the rules

Skool

My new policy class has been alright. The first lecture that I went to we spent a looot of time watching clips and videos. We actually watched a full length show called "Hollowmen" which is a hilarious parody of people working in public policy. I enjoyed the show, but in a two hour lecture is it really ideal to spend a quarter to half the time watching semi-relevant news clippings and a tv show? The show was pure gold though. Really illustrated (exaggerated?) the struggles that governments go through to appear as if they are doing effective policy making: i.e. pushing out of context soundbites and misleading statistics, the conflict of the public's desire for decisive and swift action with the time needed to actually gather data that would allow one to make an informed decision, the airheaded bosses that twist and manipulate whatever thoughts and words you have to justify doing what they were already going to do...it's all there! One guy got me every time because he would go everywhere without a pen and then suddenly want to write down what people were saying. Man you have to watch it. 

Anyone have a pen?

Corridor Chapel

The chaplain of Queen's College is a very learned man. He's got quite a colorful personal history (raise your hand if you've ever drag raced an undercover cop?) and his knowledge of Scripture and his ability to discern it's meaning is probably unparalleled amongst all the people I've ever met. Anyway, every Sunday Queen's puts on a chapel service and he preaches. It is a tradition at Queens for every corridor to go to chapel as a group at least once. Last week was our turn. The message was something that I think is very true and very under-understood if I may abuse the English language so perfidiously. Basically, the chaplain spoke about love and what it means to love others. What he said was that to love is to give something up--to make sacrifices. Many people think about love as a solution to everything and as the source of overwhelming peace and happiness. His message was that love comes with a cost. Tying it back to the message of Jesus, he pointed out that "God gave up his Son. Jesus Christ gave up his life." Real love involves a lot of sacrifice; there is absolutely no way to deny it. He also pointed out that in 1 Corinthians 13, the chapter that gets a ton of play at weddings, the word that Paul uses for patient in the opening verse "Love is patient" means "long suffering." Love is able to suffer at length! This probably wouldn't be so cheery to mention at the next wedding you're at though. In the end, while I think his message was right on the money, I do feel that you come out with more than you started with when you establish loving relationships. Anyway it was deep.

Base Camp

Last weekend, I went on a retreat type thing with Christian Union, an Intervarsity affiliate here in Melbourne. It was good stuff. The talks that were given were basically an extrapolation of Kevin DeYoung's Just Do Something, which made its way around Cornell Cru last year pretty well I think. It's definitely a very practical concept in terms of decision-making and the will of God, which can get very confusing. I also got to meet a bunch of Australian believers and spend time at the beach which is never a bad thing! A few of the girls there are also at colleges and they told me about a college specific Bible study and also invited me to their church, which I went to yesterday and met oodles of cool people. This also happened:

 Me in a toilet paper wedding dress and my lovely team of designers

My Quick Trip to Taiwan!

Finally, I just want to mention that I was able to see Amy this past week because she and her mom were in Taiwan for her Spring Break! I missed three and a half days of uni, but it was well worth it booking a trip out there to see her! Taiwan is an awesome place to eat and shop as everything is amazingly cheap and pretty decent quality wise! We ate lots of food, and I'm incredibly grateful toward Amy, her parents and her family for being such great hosts to me during my time there and for lining up a lot of the logistical things that I was so helpless in trying to figure out! Any time spent with my girl--no matter how short!--is time well spent!

One of the funniest things about Taiwan is that there are apparently a bunch of clothing companies that produce cheap graphic Ts that they sell on the street. Lots of these shirts have random gibberish English phrases and cities and sometimes just strings of letters. It's funny. I have a shirt now that says "New York Vihtagf Hockoky Man Acemf Dfvilslakfh Dakotastateonawrs rhysical fdncatiohctatfwisscupi." Good stufffffff. Just don't look too closely and you can't tell it makes no sense. 

Night markets are much fun

On the plane ride I watched "The Artist," "Pulp Fiction," "Puss N Boots" (which I think might've been targeted toward a younger audience) and a bunch of episodes of "Modern Family." I also had the most frustrating dream ever. In Australia the 2 dollar coin is tiny, the one dollar coin is slightly larger, and then the 20 cent and 50 cent coins are behemoths. I had a dream where I was sitting in the sand somewhere trying to pick up a bunch of coins that I'd dropped, but I just couldn't quite get them in order because sand kept shifting and covering them up or something. Suddenly the coins started getting smaller and more valuable every time I failed to pick them up. Before I knew it, I was looking at a pile of miniscule $9 coins that were quickly sifting through my fingers. I woke up and my leg and arm were asleep. Maybe my subconscious's way of waking me up before I lost both my left limbs? Who knows.

Soooo...that's all I can think of for now. I hope you all are doing excellently! Be good friends and tell me what's up with you, you jerks.

Thanks and hope to hear from you soon! I'll try and post moreeeee.

Southern Style Praying Mantis

Wow I'm not even going to try to apologize for how long it's been since I last posted...

Things: 

• Certain Aussie phrases and things are fun for my American brain to fiddle with but nothing has been more brain-fiddling than the imperative "Get amongst it!" Used in a sentence, "Yeah cricket is good fun at Queen's. Get amongst it, Geoff Tam!" It's kind of like a firm but gentle push to have fun, try new things and let go of your worries. To me at least. 
• Along the same lines, Aussies also use the word "keen" to describe a sort of willingness to participate. Example, "yeah I just talked to him; he's keen to wrestle some crocodiles." Probably the most heart-rending sentence I've heard anyone say during my time here was, "No one was keen..."
• The length of the shorts here on males is maybe HALF the length of what a guy in the States might wear. I'm tempted to "get amongst it" but my pale man thigh is convincing me otherwise.
• For some reason, when people talk about American football here it's referred to as "Gridiron" and they only know a handful of teams which invariably includes the Patriots. There are also a lot of Celtics fans here for some reason. I've seen more Boston gear than Yankees and Lakers put together which is just another reason I'm sure I've come to the right place. 
• I played cricket. It was like golf-baseball. One thing that's impressive about cricket players is that they bare-hand all their catches and groundballs and whatever. Only the wicket keeper has gloves on the fielding side. 
• Another sports note: Victoria is the Aussie Rules Football capital of Australia and thus the world. A lot of these Victorian guys can punt an AFL ball with the precision that guys back home can toss a football except they can do it with either foot. Maybe let's ask Tom Brady to toss a TD with his left hand and see what happens?

Maybe he's a lefty...maybe he's a ball-kicking genius

• All the toilets have two flush options: half and full. Instead of urinals you usually get these giant communal "troughs" that don't offer much in terms of splash protection.
• It's taken me a month, but I finally attended church for the first time since I landed on Aussie soil. The church is called City on a Hill and the morning service that I went to is actually held in a movie theater on the top floor of a shopping mall. Comfy. 
• I might be trying to get onto the second team for Queen's rowing. So far my technique on the ergo leaves much to be desired. 

Lots of things have happened since I last posted, so I'll just do some random and patchy summarizing. 

Classes (referred to as "subjects" here):

So far there have been two weeks of classes, enough time for me to attend all my various lectures and tutorials and also have a highly stressful scheduling crisis! Basically, I was mistakenly allowed into a master's seminar on Policy Design and then pulled out of it forcibly with only two days to find a suitable replacement. Awesomely, these two days also coincided with a turnover in my academic adviser, so I lost the first day because she was in training and couldn't talk to me. The second day I was sent on a wild goose chase to obtain permission for the master's seminar at the School of Social and Political Sciences but was flatly turned away by a very un-charming woman who proceeded to explain to me in repetitive detail that I was only an undergraduate and post-graduates had "earned the right" to not have to take classes with me. I'm twisting her words but only a little bit and only because she was mean to me. 

What's that? You don't have a Bachelor's yet? 

On the whole, I'm really enjoying my lectures. My lecturers are really engaging and polished and they present the information in ways that are organized, well-paced, and interesting. I really liked the master's seminar in policy design and am kicking myself for not earning the right to be in the class ("Geoffrey, that subject is a compulsory class for students in the masters of public policy. Are you in the master of public policy program? Well there you go. Geoffrey, all those students have earned their bachelor's degrees and usually with honors. Do you have your bachelor's degree yet?). 

Memorable moment from Policy Design:

Lecturer: "Were you going to ask a question?"

Masters Student in Public Policy: "No I was just inhaling."

Formal Dinner:

Every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday the men and women of Queen's College attend a formal dinner in our dining hall. This means we don't wear flip flops and we do wear $90 academic gowns. At least until the Master has said the Latin grace. No dinner was more formal than last Wednesday's Commencement Dinner. This is the meal that kicks off the year officially for some reason and a bunch of posh Wyverns are invited and scholarships are also handed out to first-years who earned them. It's altogether a somewhat arduous process that is made easier by the fact that we all have "coffee parties" beforehand and we have free wine during. Our table's drinking game was to drink when the Master said the word "scholarship." 80 scholarships later, we were feeling ok about ourselves. 

Fight Club

I didn't really attend a fight club but rather a drinking ritual at Queen's that reminded me a lot of fight club. The game is called "Matchbox" and there are three rules to matchbox:

1. You can only play Matchbox after you've spent the day playing cricket.
2. You can never tell any of the girls or other male Queeners who haven't been to Matchbox about the rules of Matchbox
3. You can never practice Matchbox. 

There was lots of alcohol...

It was like this but with more beer

General Meeting

This is a time when everyone in the college gathers up in a room and the General Committee (the student leaders) and the Master as well as the Vice Master tell us what's going on in the life of the college and we make important decisions. It went from 8pm to 12am and was a mix of good fun and terrifyingly real and in your face boredom. 

Throughout the proceedings (what do we want to do about our coin-operated laundry system guys?) there were certain students whose job it was to liven things up by pulling people out of the audience and giving them cold showers and letting them partake in cheap boxed wine. They also had the authority to confiscate snacks and eat them in your face and make you wear swimming flippers or put your underwear on the outside of your pants...It only slightly undermined the goings-on of the General Committee...only slightly. 

At halftime there was also a keg-kill, a chili-eating contest and a few birthday boys had to scull whole pitchers of beer. 

Christian Union

This is the biggest Jesus group on campus. I actually see them everywhere and they seem to have a big presence. So far I've attended a Bible study and a large group meeting and both seemed to be somewhat promising. I'll be going to their retreat that's coming up next weekend, so I'll definitely let you know how that goes! 

Story Involving Lincoln Smith

One rainy Saturday morning, the internet was down across the College and there was nothing to do so three strapping young men set off to the mall to buy electronic goods. On the way back, the rain picked up and this was problematic since Lincoln had decided to put a chunk of his hard earned cash toward a tv for his room. Needless to say he was concerned for its well-being in the downpour. At one point he was seen running, 32" in hand, without his shirt, which he had taken off in a feeble effort to shield the box from the deluge. Turning back toward us, all he could say was, "Do I look like I've just robbed it?" Yes. Yes he did.

Story Involving wildlife

One stirring, crisp evening I was about to head off to a reunion of my Melbourne Welcome group when I turned to find my phone and lo and behold, a praying mantis was making his merry way up my wall behind my pillow. Needless to say, I was super keen. I took his picture ten or twenty times and then went on my way.

Real Casual

A bit bolder here with the flash

Later that night, I finally was able to head to bed after our first General Meeting, and just before I put my head down I remembered my friend the mantis. Where could he be? After a brief lookabout, I found him happily perched atop my giant red bulletin board. "Aww how cute," I thought to myself, and took his picture ten or twenty more times. "He can be my little buddy" I mused to myself as I went to bed. HOW NAIVE I WAS. 

No flash

         
FLASH!

And no flash again just because

As I gently slipped off to sleep, crossing my fingers for dreams of lollipops and balloons and scratch-and-sniff stickers, I felt something gently plop atop my head. 

MANTIS ATTACK! 

Yes, he jumped on my head as I was trying to sleep for some reason. I also threw him out a second story window, so I think our friendship might be over...

Conclusions

It's been a fun few weeks here in Melbourne, and I'm definitely hitting more of the routine that I've been seeking. Hopefully now my timetable is all settled, and I'll be able to start establishing a nice rhythm. 

Thanks for reading! I'll try to get something more like a weekly or twice-weekly update going.

Cheers!
Geoff